There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
