Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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