He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
