Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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