In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
