You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
