i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
