I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
