Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
