That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
