either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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