the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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