Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
