I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
