Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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