Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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