I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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