Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
