the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
