its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
