Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
