Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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