I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
