got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
