Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
