I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You smell like stripper and shame
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
