to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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