Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
