I wish I could punch you in the face.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
