trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
