Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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