We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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