no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
