i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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