marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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