areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We named our party play list daddy issues
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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