i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
