Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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