problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
