he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
