just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
