At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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