Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
