she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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