My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
