Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
