My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
