i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
