I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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