We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
