I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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